I am a new day rising

_gravity_wins

Finally, after nearly 5 years, I think it's time to move on from this LJ, or at least give it a break for a while. I'm changing over to _gravity_wins for now, so add it and stuff.

Alright kids...answer me this.

As per usual, I'm sick of my hair and have the desire to dye it once again. I've dyed it ever natural color before, and because of my skin tone, it looks fine anyways. I'm so happy it's finally getting freaking long, and yeah...I have the desire to dye it once again. I think I really want to do black again, because it was for so long, but I don't know. I've been thinking of even bleaching it blonde, but I don't want to ruin it. Hmmm.

What color do all youuu people suggest? You all know what I look like...yeah.

Just when I claim I may have to neglect ELJAYYY, I do a silly survey while procrastinating.

( Everything about me, ever. )

It hurts so, so bad.

I haven't hurt this badly since last Christmas.

But I brought it on myself this time.

Yes - I CAN still feel pain.

I've learned that.

But I also can't be who I was all those years ago.

I've moved on past that.

As my icon says - I've learned to move on.

I'm not going to hurt myself. I'm not going to hurt my friends.

Artificial happiness is stupid. It's time for something real.

It's time to love everyone again.

It's time to be at peace with myself.

It's time to meditate - and hell to mediate, too. It's time to help my friends - to help anyone I can.

It's time to take what's happened and philosophize about it.

I talked to my mom, of all people, for a long time today, and I feel better.

I'm listening to the last track of my life soundtrack I made earlier this year. And it makes sense.

Just five minutes ago I hurt so bad. But I realized a lot of things.

I have so many people to love. And above all, I love myself. Above all, I have myself. I have a self that I need to keep happy and healthy.

It hurts when someone you love thinks maybe they can't be around you anymore.

I think it will work out. But if it doesn't?

I've proved I can love again. I've been affected. I'm coming back into myself, stronger than ever. I've learned so much in my first semester here.

What's been lost, has been found again.

This entry is public - it's time to start letting people in, again.

"So I want to write my words on the face of today - and then they'll paint it."



I want to write the words and sit back and appreciate the painting when it comes together.







Crap?

Changed my layout again. I did it in like 5 seconds, so it's shitty, but...::shrugs::

YEAH

So.

Yesterday, first day of work, I'm in the backroom, and there's a note:

"if anyone stocks this wrong, I will KILL you."

And then under that, someone had written:

"Kthxbye."

Followed by

"WTF?"

and then, finally:

"LOLERSKATES!"

And I was like, wowwww, I'm going to love it here.

And I dooo.

Anyways...ummm...stuff. Work was good today and yesterday. I just walked around, talked to people, and got silly questions. There's SIX female employees at my Gamestop. Wewt girl gamers. I HEART ALL MY COWORKERS.

Halloween party tonight. I'm a random anime girl, Brandon is Queen Amidala, Melanie is Princess Leia, Adam is a drag queen (as usual), and Alex is Vincent (from FF7). Pretty excellent. There will be pictures of course.

Something very, very strange and crappy happened last night. There will probably be a protected entry about it later.

Home in less than a week...wewt for band and football game. Afterwards I want to go to dinner with people...I know at least Celeste is coming, but Jaimee, Grady, and Merlin, I want you guys to come tooooo, and tell Jessie to come as well. YEAH.

Oh, but guess what? I totally got hired by Gamestop in the Prudential Center today. Fuck yeah.

Look guys, I got a Facebook. Yay for that. Add me on there if you have one.

OH I AM SLEEPY.

My schedule got changed and it's all fucked up now.

On the plus side though, I don't have to go to the class that I would have been having now.

It's sooo lovely.

Oh yes...and I recommend Red Bull if you have difficulty concentrating. I'm drinking it now before morning classes, and it does wonders. It's terrible for me, but it's freaking magical. Eh, I suppose there are worse things for you than bull semen and pure Prozac.

Six years can go by, and not much changes.

Once a lying manipulator?

Always one.









I can read people better than you would possibly imagine. o.o

(P.S. On an unrelated note, people who practice Jediism disturb me more than Furries. That's the thing about getting into a fandom. You always have the crazies. That is all.)

(P.P.S. Quote of the night is a toss up between Sarah comparing James Galway to Gilderoy Lockhart or Dave deciding that "Life" has 999,999,999,999,999 HP and "OMFG WE SO BEAT IT.")

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." - Henry David Thoreau

My life is awesome and it's only because I'm in love with myself.


YUP, that's it.

Yay.

I've been listening to more classical music than usual lately. I guess I'm on a big kick because while my flute's getting fixed, I've been playing my backup...and WOW. I have SO MUCH more control over my sound. It's odd. So it's inspiring me to play more. Anyways, this morning, in Advanced Music Theory, we didn't have to do much because half the class had to go to Junior Writing Assessment. So, I downloaded lots of MIDIs so I could get the flute music for them. Then I played it this afternoon for fun. Woohoo. I also listened to my "Rachmaninoff plays Chopin" CD, and that was good. Then it got me in a Rachmaninoff mood.

And yeah. So I have the 4th Movement of Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 on here, because it's gorgeous and awesome and AHHH gives me goosebumps and everyone must download it.

Download or DIE.

Yeah. Then I also recently made a Xanga in that class, out of sheer boredom. It's pretty exciting. Except for not. But I like that you can have a big user picture, and that you can look on amazon and put down exactly what you're listening to with a picture and lyrics and everything. That's pretty cool. But otherwise, LiveJournal is twenty million times better.

I'm going dress shopping soon with Jaimee and Jessie. I want my dress to be not poofy or anything, and I need to hopefully make it one that I can wear for my recital, too. Which is July 17th at 3 PM at the Kittery Congregational Church, by the way. </plug> That should be fun. I'm playing mostly pretty-ish things...hopefully Duy (Bui, the person I'm splitting it with) isn't playing anything ridiculous...because he is a RIDICULOUS pianist. I mean, he goes to Manhattan School of Music.

Oh yes, and "Twilight Princess" is the real Zelda title. You should all go to Nintendo.com and read the storyline. It's a good one. It looks like there's a strong female character in it, which is pretty cool.

Leave an anonymous comment about what you really think about me (what you like or dislike), or say anything you want, but remember! Do it anonymously!

I feel a little lammeezorr for doing that but I am so what else is new.

Today was boring. Hrmm...classes as usual. I had completely forgotten about this until someone mentioned it, but there was a rather strange conversation held in Comparative World Religions. I only heard a snippit (what a great word!) of it though, and then I blocked it out, because I don't give a crap about that stuff anymore. I just wish people could act older than 12 years old sometimes, and just leave stuff behind.

So apparantly there are "signs all over town" for the recital I'm playing in July. Ermm...I haven't even picked what I'm playing yet. Oops. I'm planning on doing mostly "pretty"-ish stuff and nothing too flashy, because I just want it to be stuff that an audience who isn't as into classical music to enjoy as well.

I stayed at school all 4th block because it was a pain to go all the way home then come back for quintet, and then at 2:30 Mr. Gagnon decided to have it tomorrow. BLAH.

xc3pox will be updating his journal soon, he's informed me.

Sorry my entries are so boring lately. I'm pretty grateful for it, to be honest. The drama is gone. :D

I just made beethoven_love .

I think this is pretty self-explanitory, but join it if you love Beethoven.

Ha. Assembly tomorrow on suicide supposedly given by Kurt Cobain's cousin. That's special. And sort of a weird assembly. It's not like a drug one where you can bring in things and show them off and tell why you shouldn't do them. Whatever. It could be interesting, and it gets us out of class for a little while.

Hair is going to be curly again.

Jaimee and I are going this Saturday to take pictures of awesome Grady at her prom.

Apple IMs are very pretty, even though you can "get skins like them for Windows." Well, it's still pretty. So pretty that I feel the need to obsessively IM everyone online at the time...so if you're online while I'm in the music lab, expect to hear from me. I apologize in advance.

Okay, I just must say - yay for Jaimee and Louie. :D I know nothing's official yet, but let's face it, it's going to happen. So yay for them. Jaimee deserves someone really nice, and he's liked her for years, and it's so exciting. I wish them the best.

Hmm...I've been listening to the second movement ("Allegretto") from Beethoven's Symphony No. 7 non-stop. IT'S SO AMAZING. I may put it up here later for people to download. I just loveeee it. If you haven't heard it...download it...or be lazy and wait for me to post it. But yeah. I LOVE IT. I think Beethoven has become my favorite composer...it was Debussy for a long time, and then it was Vaughan Williams...but I just loveee Beethoven. I looked for a Beethoven LiveJournal community last night, and there was none - so maybe I'll make one. That would give me something to do in my spare time.

My hair is wavy today - I might start braiding my hair before I go to bed a lot. I like it this way. It's easier to maintain because it goes everywhere but it's SUPPOSED to when it's wavy.

Bad news - the music I wrote a few weeks ago in Advanced Music Theory got deleted. This is quite sad. I think I'll write some more after this to make up for it. I wonder which instrument combination I will use this time. ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

Speaking of caps, I never use caps lock. I will sit there and type out entire sentences with my finger on the shift key. I'm not sure why.

I'm pretty awful at holding grudges. I'm surprised I managed to do it with some. However, others are a different story. Whatever. I think I'm ready to talk and stuff. Hrmmm. I can get over stupid stuff. Backstabbers, I don't forgive.

I still have an hour and fifteen minutes of this class. Oh my goodness.

This last paragraph is just so that I have nine paragraphs, because nine is a good number.

For people on my friends list not in band in choir: I'll be in Florida until Sunday.

When I get back, there will probably be lots to tell and show.

See ya!

. Who are you?:
. Are we friends?:
. When and how did we meet?:
. Do you have a crush on me?:
. Would you kiss me?:
. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
. Describe me in one word:
. What was your first impression?:
. Do you still think that way about me now?:
. What reminds you of me? :
. If you could give me anything what would it be?:
. How well do you know me?:
. When's the last time you saw me?:
. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?:
. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?:
. How have I affected you?:
. What's the fondest memory you have of me?:
. How long do you think we will be friends?:
. Do you love me?:
. Would you hug me? :
. Physically, what stands out? :
. Emotionally, what stands out? :
. Do you wish I was cooler?:
. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?:
. Am I lovable?:
. What do you think my weakness is?:
. Do you think I'll get married?:
. What makes me happy?:
. What makes me sad?:
. Do you think I could kill someone?:
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
. I died from suicide:
. I said I liked you:
. I kissed you:
. I lived next door to you:
. I started smoking:
. I stole something:
. I was hospitalized:
. I ran away from home:
. I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
. Personality:
. Eyes:
. Face:
. Hair:
. Clothes:
. Mannerisms:
. Family:
WOULD YOU:
. Be my friend?:
. Have sex with me?
. Lie to make me feel better?:
. Spread rumors about me?:
. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
. Loan me some cash?:
. Hold my hand?:
. Take a bullet for me?:
. Keep in touch?:
. Try and solve my problems?:
. Date me?:

Probably no one will fill this out, but that's okay...woo :D

OH YEAH. And I wrote a piece today in Music Theory. It's entitled "LOLerskates," and it's part of a multi-movement piece (another movement was written during 4th block entitled White Ghetto Boyz, but I didn't send it here). Anyways, I saved it in MIDI format and sent it to my house. So, for your downloading pleasure, here is LOLerskates.

LOLerskates!

Oh, and it's for English Horn, Whistle, Gong, and Harp. Oh yes.

Yayyy I'm getting so excited for Florida!

Except I'm really pretty ticked that band/choir kids are getting a lot less time in the parks the first two days, but Mr. Gagnon said he'd talk to Ms. Baker and see if we could make either the band or choir clinic optional for band/choir kids. Hopefully he can somehow convince her.

I love this song from FF9, "Protecting my Devotion." Because (cornily enough...[is cornily a word?]) I'm protecting my devotion. Which is, of course, myself and the things I'm into (which of course includes my friends). Yeahhh.

My life has changed so much (even a lot has changed in the past week). I'm seriously just so solidly happy now. I don't get stressed about things and I don't really let anything upset me. This is probably the most stable my happiness has ever been. I think it's safe to say I've gone from being a pessismist (about two to three years ago) to a realist (about a year and a half ago) to now being GASP! An optimist. I mean, I'm definetly not GULLIBLY optimistic about things, but I'm just happy with my life.

So my birthday is on Tuesday. This year and age was such a huge turning point in my life...so much happened. I think that thing they say, about 16 being the year where you discover everything, was really so true. I'm excited for what the next year beholds. I've got a lot more knowledge now just on how to get by in life, and I've got so many opportunities coming up.

So, sorry for making two entries in a row, but this one's a completely seperate though. Well, it's related I guess, very much, but it wouldn't appear so to others.

And I feel lame for writing all this in livejournal, but eh, it's stupid to go around apologizing to everyone. Or getting angry at them. Or anything like that. And hey, maybe I'm lame, but I watch out for myself, at least.

Anyways, this is just to apologize to anyone and everyone I may have hurt or offended since this past Fall. I became really bitchy about a lot of things, and I let what once was self-confidence turn into me being elitist.

It got to the point where I isolated myself from people because I was just so damn bitchy. And I feel stupid now, because I really can get along with mostly anyone and everyone has little things and I love them.

I mean, a few things I said were misinterpreted (I never made any attacks on close friends, but in retrospect, I realized it could appear that way). But does it really matter? Bitching about other people doesn't make my life any better, no matter who it is. Instead of getting rid of the bad things in my life, I created more.

Most of the people this pertains to probably won't read this. And some will read this and be like, "What? She was always fine to me." It's probably just because you've known me more AFTER I got all the stuff out of my life that was causing me to be so mean and stressed. And really, it was mostly people I wasn't really friends with.

So yeah. This isn't even that big of a deal. Just, I felt like making a public entry apologizing if I've said anything mean.